Teen Problems Bring Gore in “Excision”

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Written and Directed by Richard Bates Jr.

Starring: Annalynne McCord, Roger Bart, Ariel Winter, Traci Lords

Well…This one was kinda awkward to watch but I do this for you guys!

This film was shown at Sundance in 2012 and was also based off of a short film of the same title from 2008. The film focuses around Pauline(Annalynne McCord) a disturbed teenager trying to deal with her overly controlling mother(Traci Lords). Her disturbed nature comes out in her erotic dreams which feature necrophilia and some blood-play. She is awkward but really couldn’t give a flying fuck about what others say about her. It’s this behavior that makes makes her mother see her as some kind of social outcast to the point where she forces Pauline to seek psychological help from their church’s minister and take cotillion classes to become a “proper lady”. Well, there’s only so much a disturbed teenager can take.

One of the things that I liked about this movie was McCord’s portrayal of Pauline as an awkward teenager. She had pimples and small scabs on her face as well as stringy oily hair. Not exactly prom queen material, right? It’s almost relatable for those of us who were ugly ducklings in high school. I say almost because I’d like to think that our erotic dreams didn’t consist of dead people or chopping people up. McCord’s portrayal also made her a sympathetic character because her mother’s constant neglect and disapproval fueled Pauline’s rapid descent into madness.

It was amusing how Pauline actually prays throughout the movie. I like how she openly admits in her prayer that she doesn’t believe in God but she really has no one else to talk to. Her conversations with God are funny because she’s all “Well, it’s not my fault you gave me a bitch mom” or “Yeah…I’m gonna have premarital sex and I regret nothing”.

Now let’s talk about the gore. Oh…My…God….there was soooo much blood! Though most of the gore could be scene in Pauline’s wet dreams. Like I said there was some necrophilia, blood play, and some people being harvested for their organs. Even her erotic day dreams were filled with buckets of blood and asphyxiation. Think about the movie “Hostel” being a turn on for this bitch. I’m not going to lie, I wanted to throw up when I saw these scenes. I’ve only had this kind of reaction with one other film.

So all in all. This wasn’t a bad movie. If anything this adds to my case that kids are scarier than dolls. If you’re looking for gore, psychotic teens, with a pinch of dark humor, then by all mean check this movie out.

My Grade: A-

Short Film

Trailer

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Billy and the Cloneasaurus

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Steve Kozeniewski, Published by Severed Press (2014)

Published by Severed Press (2014)

Buy the book HERE and connect with the author

Amazon – http://amazon.com/author/kozeniewski
Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/KozAuthor
Twitter – https://twitter.com/outfortune
Goodreads – https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7183355.Stephen_Kozeniewski
Blog – http://manuscriptsburn.blogspot.com
Mailing List – http://kozauthor.campayn.com/contact_list_form/signup/10334

The Damsels love when authors submit their books for us to review, especially when it’s well-written speculative fiction. Stephen Kozeniewski’s “Billy and the Cloneasaurus” is biting, thoughtful dystopian fiction from Severed Press. Clones, dinosaurs, and a corrupted “Williamerica” paint a frightening alternate reality where the idea of individuality and capitalism are distorted to the nth degree. It’s a call-to-arms, if you will, and a well-timed one at that. Critics of dystopian fiction always bemoan the genre’s inherent “preachiness” and bitch far too much about the potential for pretentiousness on the authors’ part. Be assured, dear readers, that “Billy and the Clonesaurus” doesn’t fall prey to preachiness or pretentiousness. I would happily say so if it did. Mean-spirited zingers are fun to write but funnier to read. And I do try to please.

The novel’s satirical undertone is entertaining and relevant. HOWEVER (and there must be a capitalized however in any review, right?) given the author’s unsubtle disdain for clichés, I couldn’t help but be irritated by his approach to one of the minor (but which should have been major) characters, which is, perhaps, the novel’s biggest flaw.

SYNOPSIS

Six billion identical clones make up the entire population of Earth, and William 790-6 (57th Iteration) is exactly like everybody else. In his one year of life he will toil in suburban mediocrity and spend as much cash as possible in order to please his corporate masters. When 790’s first birthday (and scheduled execution) finally rolls around, a freak accident spares his life.

Living past his expiration date changes 790 profoundly. Unlike other clones he becomes capable of questioning the futility of his own existence. Seeking answers in the wilderness, he discovers a windmill with some very strange occupants, including a freakish, dinosaur-like monstrosity. Which is especially strange since every animal on earth is supposed to be extinct…

Without giving away spoilers, one of the “occupants” in the mysterious windmill happens to be a woman. And like most dystopian stories (written by men) women are treated as an afterthought to the Grand Political Message or as mere accessories to the Crippling Male Angst that drives the subversive action to its conclusion. Willa suffers from the same fate, unfortunately, which knocked the five-star rating I had going in down to a four.

It seems Willa’s only function is to literally have sex with the male hero. Odd. Because she would be in a better position than any of the other Williams to Save The World (or at least play SOME part in it) due to her radical upbringing and fondness for politics. But no. Willa is just the well-read virgin who waits in her room while her father and Billy make all the important decisions. I’m ignoring the weird incest/clone, uncomfortable age difference here for propriety.

The ending wasn’t surprising or satisfying, but happily-ever-afters and dystopian horror don’t play well together. This book entertained and I would recommend it to lovers of bizarro and speculative fiction. Four stars out of five for “Billy and the Cloneasaurus.”

Calling for Film Submissions for Druid Underground!!

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http://www.druidundergroundfilmfestival.com/submit.php

Well looky here! I present to all of you the Druid Underground Film Festival(DUFF). They’ve been around since 2006 and feature all kinds of bizarre art such as music and film. When I say bizarre I mean bizarre! But it’s fun and crazy and, let’s face it, society needs more bizarre things to get rid of the drab and recycled crap that keeps getting pushed in our faces.

But this festival isn’t just about films. They’ve had live musical performances at their shows featuring bands like Rumspringa, they have filmmaker interviews, raffles, door prizes etc. This sounds like an epic adventure of like minded individuals just waiting to happen!

But you better hurry! Deadlines are coming fast! Late Deadline: Apr 10, 2015 and Last Minute Deadline: May 10, 2015

Here’s a word from DUFF’s Founder, Billy Burgess

So I encourage you to submit your art to this film festival and share your crazy genius with the world! I’ll have a list of website for you at the bottom which include Twitter and Facebook. Check it out and let us know if your submitting! I’d like to hear how the festival goes!!

Sites:

http://www.druidundergroundfilmfestival.com/

https://twitter.com/druidfilmfest

https://www.facebook.com/druidundergroundfilmfest

Look at these freaky lamps

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Beautiful lamps a la Texas Chainsaw Massacre. For $100 you can buy one from Gloom Matter. https://www.etsy.com/listing/160244295/rib-cage-accent-lamp-lighting-decor?ref=shop_home_active_3

I saw these terrific horror designs on Dirge Magazine’s twitter first. Gloom Matter is a Toronto based Etsy shop with gorgeous, handcrafted goods for your home.

I love horror decor. This would totally freak out my mother.

 

What do you think? Tacky or chic?

Be Careful Who You Show “The ABCs of Death” To

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I has recently come to my attention that teachers and substitutes today really need to be careful what they say and do. For example, I found out that a substitute teacher is being sent to jail for showing the film “The ABC’s of Death” to the high school students she was in charge of. The ages of the students ranged from 14 to 18 so I’m thinking that they’ve seen far worse on TV and the internet. Anyway, the Assistant Principle walked by and confiscated it. She was later arrested on felony charges for showing the movie. She was sentenced to 90 days in jail. For what, you ask? For “disseminating matter harmful to juveniles”. You don’t think these kids have seen worse on TV or the internet when their parents aren’t looking?

The film’s producers, Ant Timpson and Tim League, are pissed. It’s not that their mad that the school that their film was disgusting, but that Sheila Kearns(the sub) is going to jail for showing it. Did I mention that this is a felony? The film’s producers have started an Indiegogo account to help raise money for Kearns’ appeal. Having a 58 yr old grandmother going to jail for 90 days really doesn’t sit well with them. Their goal is $15,000 and, last time I checked, they were at $4,167.

Feel free to donate HERE

Do you think that this was the right thing to do? Was it really a felony showing a horror movie to students? If it is then my sisters 8th grade teacher needs to be punished. What she was 13, her teacher thought it would be brilliant to show Pet Cemetery to the class…my sister couldn’t sleep for a month after that.

Some articles:

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/chi-teacher-jailed-for-showing-violent-movie-20150304-story.html

http://www.indiewire.com/article/grandmother-jailed-for-screening-the-abcs-of-death-for-high-school-students-20150310

Death Ray Potato Bake

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Death Ray Potato Bake by Teresa Hawk (image source: https://d.gr-assets.com/books/1408548104l/23002800.jpg)

I only know (knew?) Teresa Hawk from Twitter. She used to tweet all the time but I haven’t seen her around in months. I would provide her handle but her account is no longer active. For shame. Her tweets were hilarious. Anyway.

I happened to receive “Death Ray Potato Bake” for free on Amazon Kindle months ago but forgot about the thing until I saw it in my library today. It was St. Patrick’s Day–Irish people and potatoes are stereotyped together, so what the hell, I thought. Might as well be festive. And I read it.

So many authors try (and miss the mark) to be both funny and suspenseful, but Teresa Hark succeeds on both counts. What an entertaining read! Who doesn’t fantasize about killing their mother? With a potato?

Bizarre, smartly-written, and creative. I would recommend this little short for people who take a dash of dark comedy with their horror. Her writing style is dry, mocking, and effortlessly funny without calling attention to itself. I smiled the whole way through. Solid five stars. I know Teresa Hawk has written other short stories and so I will be definitely read more as soon as I am able.

Check out her books Goodreads.

Happy reading!

Don’t Underestimate What £10 Can Create!

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Writer/Producer/Director: Luke Mordue

Starring: Max Mordue, Alex Steedman, Luke Mordue, Anna Skibniewski-Woods.

Remember those post you used to get on Myspace where if you didn’t repost in 5 minutes you’d be murder in the shower at 11:13pm and the last thing you’d see is a unicorn? Well this is like that but it’s actually terrifying. Seriously, the first words out of my mouth were “FUCK ME!”

So here’s how it goes. Dan receives one of these emails about a guy named Charlie coming to kill you at around 9pm if you don’t forward the email. Like any rational human being, skips it. He says good-bye to his pal who is off with his girlfriend. But before Dan’s friend leaves, he sees shadowy figure in the window. Totally doesn’t think anything of it. Poor Dan is left all alone…in a creepy house. He gets that feeling that he’s being watched, but the police can’t help and he can’t escape.

The suspense combined with the movie was intense! If there’s one thing I love about horror movies, it’s the suspense. You don’t see Charlie, you hear Charlie’s whispers, but you never see him. So you’re left with your imagination filling in the blanks. At some point you his creepy smile that makes want to cry for Mama.

Anyway, Check it out and let me know what you think about this £10 budget short!

Sites:

https://twitter.com/morduepictures

https://www.facebook.com/morduepictures

http://www.morduepictures.com/

Unintentionally creepy book/album covers

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Sometimes I find weird shit in cyberspace and drag it into the light to amuse an audience. I don’t know if this will be a recurring theme, but anyway, enjoy this week’s selection.

1. Music To Massage Your Mate By (Click here to hear the song)

This 70s LP includes an explicit, photographed “instruction manual” for the budding serial killer and rapist in you! Strange, off-kilter music combined with grainy black-and-white photographs are sure to put you and your victim in the mood.

2. Feelings And How To Destroy Them

This Little Golden Book apparently alphabetizes emotions and teaches kids how to obliterate what makes them human. I haven’t found much information about this book (author, date of publication, etc.) but if you know please enlighten us.

3. Diamonds and Chills (Click here to hear the song)

This LP 80s cover features country singer Margo Smith. However you wouldn't guess this was a catchy, cheery song by looking at her apparent strangulation

This LP 80s cover features country singer Margo Smith. However you wouldn’t guess this was a catchy, cheery song by looking at her apparent strangulation

4. Pet Goats And Pap Smears 

This is an actual book with its actual cover. The author Pamela Wible writes: "Many people have commented (both positive and negative) on the cover. Unlike advertisements that objectify women or dominate animals, this book cover celebrates and honors both women and animals. "

This is an actual book with its actual cover. The author Pamela Wible writes: “Many people have commented (both positive and negative) on the cover. Unlike advertisements that objectify women or dominate animals, this book cover celebrates and honors both women and animals. “

5. Do You Know Jesus? 

Randy, the dummy, will be more than happy to explain who Jesus is for you if you buy his Auntie and Uncle's album.

Randy, the dummy, will be more than happy to explain who Jesus is for you if you buy his Auntie and Uncle’s album.

Happy Friday the 13th!

Horror Film Banned By BBFC

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Living in America, I’m always confused and baffled whenever I hear that another country bans movies, books, music and whatever else. For example, I actually heard that the church scene from Kingsman: Secret Service was cut in some countries because of the violence. Weird. The general solution we have here is it you don’t like the content then don’t watch. If anything, banning this movie is just going to makes the general populace want to watch it more. But the BBFC has special guidelines for what is appropriate for the general public.

Anyway, a film directed by James Cullen Bressack titled “Hate Crime” has been banned for it’s content. The film is about a Jewish family moving into a new neighborhood. Everything seems great until they film their son’s birthday celebration and a group of meth-head neo-nazi maniacs invade their home. You can take a guess what happens afterward.

The BBFC’s official statement:

“HATE CRIME focuses on the terrorisation, mutilation, physical and sexual abuse and murder of the members of a Jewish family by the Neo Nazi thugs who invade their home. The physical and sexual abuse and violence are accompanied by constant strong verbal racist abuse. Little context is provided for the violence beyond an on screen statement at the end of the film that the two attackers who escaped were subsequently apprehended and that the one surviving family member was released from captivity. We have considered the attempt at the end to position the film as against hate-crime, but find it so unconvincing that it only makes matters worse.  
 
“The BBFC’s Guidelines on violence state that ‘Any depiction of sadistic or sexual violence which is likely to pose a harm risk will be subject to intervention through classification, cuts or even, as a last resort, refusal to classify. We may refuse to classify content which makes sexual or sadistic violence look appealing or acceptable […] or invites viewer complicity in sexual violence or other harmful violent activities. We are also unlikely to classify content which is so demeaning or degrading to human dignity (for example, it consists of strong abuse, torture or death without any significant mitigating factors) that it may pose a harm risk.’
 
“It is the Board’s carefully considered conclusion that the unremitting manner in which HATE CRIME focuses on physical and sexual abuse, aggravated by racist invective, means that to issue a classification to this work, even if confined to adults, would be inconsistent with the Board’s Guidelines, would risk potential harm, and would be unacceptable to broad public opinion.”
“Of course, the Board will always seek to deal with such concerns by means of cuts or other modifications when this is a feasible option.  However, under the heading of ‘Refusal to classify’ our Guidelines state that ‘As a last resort, the BBFC may refuse to classify a work, in line with the objective of preventing non-trivial harm risks to potential viewers and, through their behaviour, to society. We may do so, for example, where a central concept of the work is unacceptable, such as a sustained focus on sexual or sadistic violence. Before refusing classification we will consider whether the problems could be adequately addressed through intervention such as cuts.’ The Board considered whether its concerns could be dealt with through cuts. However, given that the fact that unacceptable content runs throughout the work, cuts are not a viable option in this case and the work is therefore refused a classification.”

Do you guys agree with this? I may not want to pay money so see this so the solution is simple to me…I won’t watch. But if other want to watch then by all means go ahead. I’ve heard some people say that it really puts the fear in you that this kind of shit still goes on in the world. I guess I’m not comfortable watching it, but for those of you who did then you’re braver than I. If it was any good let me know and Damsel Cannibal and I might check it out.

Check out this article from the Huntington Post UK(here) that argues that BBFC was correct in banning this film. Do you agree?

Here’s the trailer:

Human Centipede 1, 2, & 3…overkill, much?

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Human Centipede (2009) and Human Centipede 2 (2011)

Director: Tom Six 

Everyone has heard of the Human Centipede franchise by now, right? The third and final Human Centipede movie is expected to come out this year in 2015 and I don’t know WHY. What more story can there possibly be after the first two movies? If you haven’t watched any of the Human Centipede films (which you totally should if you’re in the UK or Australia where it was banned) I hope you’ve at least seen the South Park sketch, right? Right? 

I’m not gonna bore you with a long synopsis. There isn’t much to these movies that can’t be gleaned in the first 15 seconds of viewing the trailers. Madman kidnaps victims, sews victims together ass-to-mouth, something about centipedes, yadda yadda, everybody dies. Should you watch it? Maybe. If only because it was banned internationally for its “obscenity.”

The ass-to-mouth chain gang concept is kind of hilarious on its own, and if the movies didn’t try too hard to be scary and just rolled with its obvious pulp appeal, this franchise could’ve been saved. However both movies fail to impress, which is hella awkward because too many of us are laughing at childish poop jokes to take what little horror there is seriously.

I think I’ll pass on Human Centipede 3, thank you. 5/10 stars for both films.