Rally The Troops! Support Indie Horror

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Alrighty, ladies and gentlemen, let’s check out another piece of Indie Horror that needs out support. Let’s check out the short film PAGE ONE!

So PAGE ONE is about Abel, who is a black actor who dies in every single horror movie that he has been in. When the set of a film he is doing is attacked by actually monsters, Abel is way ahead of the game on how to survive. So it’s up to him to keep everyone alive.

This sounds HILARIOUS! According to the video above, the film has already been made but they need your support to pay for the cost of this endeavor. They hope to show this short to other film festivals and hope to find support for a full feature film.

So let’s talk about the Perks! They range from a name credit to digital downloads of he film and production book, and tickets to a comedy show, and an invite to the NYC screening of PAGE ONE!

Check out the link HERE and show your support!

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“Delicatessen (1991)” has cannibal butchers!

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The creators of quirky, romcom, “Amelie,” are behind the strange, off-kilter, and obnoxiously French, “Delicatessen.” Kitsch dystopia meets surrealist cannibalism.

Delicatessen (1991)

Director: Marc Caro, Jean-Pierre Jeunet

Writers: Gilles Adrien, Marc Caro, Jean-Pierre Jeunet

Starring: Marie-Laure Dougnac, Dominique Pinon, Pascal Benezech

What an usual treat Delicatessen (1991) is! It was directed/created by the same minds behind the movie, “Amelie,” starring Audrey Tatou. The same quirky humor I enjoyed in “Amelie” take a dark, dystopian twist in Delicatessen. The story takes place in a French town where food is scarce and the only available currency is corn and meat. To feed themselves, the townpeople put out ads for handymen and then eat him after a week. The butcher is responsible for killing the handymen, and while the townsfolk feel bad about the grisly scheme they say nothing in fear of the maniacal butcher chopping them up into pieces, too! The butcher’s daughter falls in love with one of the poor handymen and joins an revolutionary society of corn-eating lunatics deep in the sewer systems to thwart her father before the handyman is butchered.

The story isn’t as enjoyable as the characters and surreal cinematography. The acting is dry, witty and obnoxiously French. I loved the Troglodyte sewer people and their pantry-raids in the butcher’s kitchen for his corn. I loved the character who thinks she’s hearing voices and her failed, often comical, attempts to commit suicide. I loved the butcher’s daughter’s sleeping herbs, the handyman’s chimpanzee, the frogs and snails, and everything else. This isn’t a movie that takes itself seriously, and if you love surreal, zany plots, with dark humor, I recommend Delicatessen. Watch it in French with English subtitles. There are many free, online videos to choose from, but I watched it HERE.

I’m giving it a B+.

Mr. Bucket has never been more terrifying…

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Do you remember Mr. Bucket? The lovable children’s toy from the 80s and 90s? I do. And it scared the shit out of then and still does now. Why does he want to suck on my balls? Why is this perverted toy for kids?

Mr. Bucket just wants to suck on your balls, kids.

My husband is a fan of The Angry Video Game Nerd (or Cinemassacre) on youtube and has been binge-watching James’ stuff for the past two months. I heard him cackling on the sofa and then he showed me the Mr. Bucket vid. If you aren’t familiar with Angry Video Game Nerd or Cinemassacre’s, you should definitely check out more of his videos. They’re all as hilarious as this Mr. Bucket skit. And don’t doubt for one second that youtubers aren’t “real” filmmakers. They work just as hard (if not harder) than the bigger names in the indie film circuit.

http://cinemassacre.com/

Or catch more on Twitter: @CineMassacre or @Mike_Matei

God bless Youtubers.

Death Ray Potato Bake

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Death Ray Potato Bake by Teresa Hawk (image source: https://d.gr-assets.com/books/1408548104l/23002800.jpg)

I only know (knew?) Teresa Hawk from Twitter. She used to tweet all the time but I haven’t seen her around in months. I would provide her handle but her account is no longer active. For shame. Her tweets were hilarious. Anyway.

I happened to receive “Death Ray Potato Bake” for free on Amazon Kindle months ago but forgot about the thing until I saw it in my library today. It was St. Patrick’s Day–Irish people and potatoes are stereotyped together, so what the hell, I thought. Might as well be festive. And I read it.

So many authors try (and miss the mark) to be both funny and suspenseful, but Teresa Hark succeeds on both counts. What an entertaining read! Who doesn’t fantasize about killing their mother? With a potato?

Bizarre, smartly-written, and creative. I would recommend this little short for people who take a dash of dark comedy with their horror. Her writing style is dry, mocking, and effortlessly funny without calling attention to itself. I smiled the whole way through. Solid five stars. I know Teresa Hawk has written other short stories and so I will be definitely read more as soon as I am able.

Check out her books Goodreads.

Happy reading!

Laugh til you pee with Dead Snow 2

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Dead Snow 2 released Oct. 2014 in Norway but is now available (in English) on Netflix

Director: Tommy Wirkola Writers: Tommy, Wirkola, Stig Frode Henriksen, and Vegar Hoel

Starring: Vegar Hoel, Orjan Gamst, and Martin Starr

Dead Snow 2: Red vs. Dead (2014) is a gut busting horror comedy film from Norway. Nazi zombies (and a tank) battle Soviet zombies, nerds, a gay guy, and a one-armed Norwegian dude (from the first movie, apparently) in the snow. Thankfully this smart, hilarious new take on the zombie genre is on Netflix for we, Americans, to wet our pants over.

I’ve seen so many zombie movies I’ve kinda burned myself out, but Dead Snow 2 is a revelation. It’s original, fast-paced, and unapologetically campy. I can’t remember when I’ve laughed so hard. Damsel Bruja and I watched this film together on a weeknight and loved it. This is definitely a movie to watch with your friends piled high on a couch with an open box of pizza and cold beers. Definitely watch this movie with beer. The drunker you are the funnier it gets. True story.

A+ for Dead Snow 2. Trashy entertainment at its finest!

Load of Laughs with “Tucker & Dale”

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Director: Jake West

Starring: Tyler Labine, Alan Tudyk, Katrina Bowden, Jesse Moss

Ok, so I stumbled upon this movie while screwing around on the internet. I heard a lot of great things about this movie so I thought, “Why the Hell not?”

Remember all those cheap horror movies where the dumb college kids decide to go camping and get attacked by the local hillbillies A La Deliverance? Well, that doesn’t happen in this movie. Tucker and Dale are best friends who want to renovate an old beat up cabin into a beautiful vacation home. While they’re trying to get some work done, the dumb college kids decide to go camping and what follows is a whole mess of death, mutilations, and a shit load of misunderstandings.

I absolutely loved this movie. I laughed so much throughout the film.

Let’s start with the beginning of the misunderstandings. Poor Tucker and Dale are on a boat when they find Allison(Katrina Bowden) almost drowning in a lake. Being good Samaritans, they save her and take her to their cabin to help her. When her friends see them take her, they automatically assume that she’s been kidnapped and they devise a plan to go rescue her. What follows is a ton of gory accidental deaths and one of the college kid’s descent into madness.

It’s great to see the unfolding of events from Tucker & Dale’s point of view. For example, Dale’s awkward staring at the cute college ladies…he was actually being socially awkward trying to come up with something to say and instead looking creepy. It was hilarious yet relatable. How many of us wanted to talk to a crush and looked like a total idiot? They’re just so innocent that they can’t see that these kids are trying to kill them….they think these kids are fulfilling a suicide pact and killing themselves all over their property.

I don’t want to say anymore because I really don’t want to ruin the movie for you. So check out the movie trailer below! If you like what you see then definitely watch this movie!

I give it an A.

Faust: So Stupid It Hurts (to laugh)

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Have you ever seen a movie so stupid, so terrible, so what-the-fuck-was-the-director-thinking, that it became good? Not just good, but insanely entertaining and (dare I say) awesome? Well, that was my experience when watching “Faust: Love of the Damned” (2000)

I really don’t want to tell you what this movie is about. A summary would  just take all the fun out of it. I will say this: It is bizarro. Seizure-inducing bizarro. And smut. And gore. And awesomeness. But I already wrote that…

“Faust” is a Spanish horror film directed by Brian Yuzna. It stars Mark Frost, Andrew Divoff, Monica Van Campen, and Isabel Brook. I think the story is based off of a comic book of the same name. Despite the cheesy costumes, the movie has a definitive “noir-graphic-novel” feel. It’s satanical and hilarious. The main character delivers lines like: “I’m the pornography that gets you hot!” and “Not enough blood?” with a grin while he frolics around in a tight, red, rubber suit. It’s not supposed to scare you.

The inflation scene. It will either make your snort with laughter or vomit. Or both. (Definitely both!)

Don’t watch this movie if you’re offended by tits and ass and or poor costume-design. Don’t watch this movie if you’re expecting great acting. I mean this movie has like 4 out of 10 stars on IMBD. Everyone universally agrees it’s bad. But hey, critics are a humorless bunch and none of that should stop you from watching “Faust” at least once!

I loved this movie. Yes, it’s stupid. Yes, it’s terrible. But if it were anything less than a hot mess, I wouldn’t have laughed so fucking hard. I’m giving it sticky, wet  A+!!!  Adding this train wreck into my collection.

Darkened Hills (Review)

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Darkened Hills (Darkened - The West Virginia Vampire Series, Book #1)Darkened Hills by Gary Lee Vincent

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

At first glance ‘Darkened Hills’ looks like any other run-of-the-mill vampire book. With its unsubtle references to Bram Stoker’s, ‘Dracula’ and Stephen King’s ‘Salem’s Lot,’ one might dismiss the novel for being yet another uninspired regurgitation. Horror readers are all too familiar with vampire lore and its tropes; therefore it takes an exceptional vampire story to stand tall above the rest. Gary Vincent not only succeeds in doing that, but does so while providing buckets of laughs and snorts.

‘Darkened Hills’ is an eccentric mishmash of gothic horror, pop culture, and black, tongue-in-cheek comedy. I appreciated the author’s nod to my favorite show, ‘Breaking Bad’ with the character, Walt Pinkman. I also loved how Vincent opened each chapter with a quote from one of Edgar Allan Poe’s short stories. Each quote foreshadowed the events of the chapter—a strange, but dexterous touch on the author’s part. But no, this is not a literary horror novel. Nor does it try to be. There is gore and splatter for comedic effect. Most memorable is the scene when that man runs over a herd of cats with his lawnmower. Do feline guts and “girlie cams” add much suspense? No. Was it funny? Hell yes. And that sums up much of what ‘Darkened Hills’ accomplishes here.

This book is an ode to popular vampire novels before it. Vincent does not attempt to supersede the legacy of Stoker and King, but rather poke fun at it and revel in their entertainment value. The campiness is a refreshing approach and reminded me of Robert Rodriquez’s movie, ‘Planet Terror.’ Even as I write this sentence, I am replaying the ridiculous “Cat Herding” scene in my mind and am grinning again.

I wouldn’t say ‘Darkened Hills’ is frightening, but it is funny and there’s plenty of cheese, sex, and violence to love.

View all my reviews