One Got Fat (bizarro 1963 PSA)

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Here’s a bizarro bicycle safety ad from 1963 featuring half-monkey-children who die one by one in a series of disturbing car accidents. This should compel you all to ride safely on your bicycles tonight. Right? Right. Enjoy your weekend.

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Billy and the Cloneasaurus

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Steve Kozeniewski, Published by Severed Press (2014)

Published by Severed Press (2014)

Buy the book HERE and connect with the author

Amazon – http://amazon.com/author/kozeniewski
Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/KozAuthor
Twitter – https://twitter.com/outfortune
Goodreads – https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7183355.Stephen_Kozeniewski
Blog – http://manuscriptsburn.blogspot.com
Mailing List – http://kozauthor.campayn.com/contact_list_form/signup/10334

The Damsels love when authors submit their books for us to review, especially when it’s well-written speculative fiction. Stephen Kozeniewski’s “Billy and the Cloneasaurus” is biting, thoughtful dystopian fiction from Severed Press. Clones, dinosaurs, and a corrupted “Williamerica” paint a frightening alternate reality where the idea of individuality and capitalism are distorted to the nth degree. It’s a call-to-arms, if you will, and a well-timed one at that. Critics of dystopian fiction always bemoan the genre’s inherent “preachiness” and bitch far too much about the potential for pretentiousness on the authors’ part. Be assured, dear readers, that “Billy and the Clonesaurus” doesn’t fall prey to preachiness or pretentiousness. I would happily say so if it did. Mean-spirited zingers are fun to write but funnier to read. And I do try to please.

The novel’s satirical undertone is entertaining and relevant. HOWEVER (and there must be a capitalized however in any review, right?) given the author’s unsubtle disdain for clichés, I couldn’t help but be irritated by his approach to one of the minor (but which should have been major) characters, which is, perhaps, the novel’s biggest flaw.

SYNOPSIS

Six billion identical clones make up the entire population of Earth, and William 790-6 (57th Iteration) is exactly like everybody else. In his one year of life he will toil in suburban mediocrity and spend as much cash as possible in order to please his corporate masters. When 790’s first birthday (and scheduled execution) finally rolls around, a freak accident spares his life.

Living past his expiration date changes 790 profoundly. Unlike other clones he becomes capable of questioning the futility of his own existence. Seeking answers in the wilderness, he discovers a windmill with some very strange occupants, including a freakish, dinosaur-like monstrosity. Which is especially strange since every animal on earth is supposed to be extinct…

Without giving away spoilers, one of the “occupants” in the mysterious windmill happens to be a woman. And like most dystopian stories (written by men) women are treated as an afterthought to the Grand Political Message or as mere accessories to the Crippling Male Angst that drives the subversive action to its conclusion. Willa suffers from the same fate, unfortunately, which knocked the five-star rating I had going in down to a four.

It seems Willa’s only function is to literally have sex with the male hero. Odd. Because she would be in a better position than any of the other Williams to Save The World (or at least play SOME part in it) due to her radical upbringing and fondness for politics. But no. Willa is just the well-read virgin who waits in her room while her father and Billy make all the important decisions. I’m ignoring the weird incest/clone, uncomfortable age difference here for propriety.

The ending wasn’t surprising or satisfying, but happily-ever-afters and dystopian horror don’t play well together. This book entertained and I would recommend it to lovers of bizarro and speculative fiction. Four stars out of five for “Billy and the Cloneasaurus.”

Faust: So Stupid It Hurts (to laugh)

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Have you ever seen a movie so stupid, so terrible, so what-the-fuck-was-the-director-thinking, that it became good? Not just good, but insanely entertaining and (dare I say) awesome? Well, that was my experience when watching “Faust: Love of the Damned” (2000)

I really don’t want to tell you what this movie is about. A summary would  just take all the fun out of it. I will say this: It is bizarro. Seizure-inducing bizarro. And smut. And gore. And awesomeness. But I already wrote that…

“Faust” is a Spanish horror film directed by Brian Yuzna. It stars Mark Frost, Andrew Divoff, Monica Van Campen, and Isabel Brook. I think the story is based off of a comic book of the same name. Despite the cheesy costumes, the movie has a definitive “noir-graphic-novel” feel. It’s satanical and hilarious. The main character delivers lines like: “I’m the pornography that gets you hot!” and “Not enough blood?” with a grin while he frolics around in a tight, red, rubber suit. It’s not supposed to scare you.

The inflation scene. It will either make your snort with laughter or vomit. Or both. (Definitely both!)

Don’t watch this movie if you’re offended by tits and ass and or poor costume-design. Don’t watch this movie if you’re expecting great acting. I mean this movie has like 4 out of 10 stars on IMBD. Everyone universally agrees it’s bad. But hey, critics are a humorless bunch and none of that should stop you from watching “Faust” at least once!

I loved this movie. Yes, it’s stupid. Yes, it’s terrible. But if it were anything less than a hot mess, I wouldn’t have laughed so fucking hard. I’m giving it sticky, wet  A+!!!  Adding this train wreck into my collection.