Taste the “Fist of Jesus”!!

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Directed:  Adrián Cardona, David Muñoz

Screenplay: David Muñoz

Starring:  Marc Velasco, Noé Blancafort

Yeah…I’m definitely going to Hell for having the brilliant idea of posting this on Good Friday.

So here’s a lovely short called “Fist of Jesus” where we witness the famous scene where Jesus resurrects Lazarus. Sadly things don’t go as planned when Lazarus comes back as a zombie and devours his loved ones. That creates more zombies and now we’re faced with a small zombie army! So it’s up to Jesus and his trusty sidekick Judas Iscariot to clean up the mess and battle an army of zombies.

This was a glorious piece of hilarity. This whole thing was filmed in 2012 and in Spanish(don’t worry there are subtitles) which I think added to the comedy of the short film. It started out as this super serious/spiritual movie that we’ve seen a million times and then in a split second it changed into the gory goodness of a zombie movie which we’ve also seen a million times. If “Shaun of the Dead” and the Bible had a baby it would be “Fist of Jesus”. It has won it’s fair share of awards.

Those include :

10/11/13“Best Short Film” 8th Abertoir Horror Film Festival of Wales

08/11/13“Audience Award to the Best Action Shortfilm” Germany After Dark 2013

30/10/13“Best International Film” Heavy Hitting HorrorFest (Whistler, Canada)

20/10/13“Best Short Film” Fear Fete Horror Film Festival (Louisiana, USA)

This short film has been such a funtastic thing to behold that they are trying to get the funds to turn it into a feature film titled “Once Upon a Time in Jerusalem”. Honestly, I would love to see this film so I’m going to put the links below so you can see for yourself. Please donate, buy “Fist of Jesus” merchandise, and give your support to make “Once Upon a Time in Jerusalem” a reality. I also have the short film at the bottom so you can see what I mean about this zombie goodness.

Video

Sites

http://www.fistofjesus.com/

https://twitter.com/FistOfJesusFilm

http://www.facebook.com/FistOfJesus

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Faust: So Stupid It Hurts (to laugh)

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Have you ever seen a movie so stupid, so terrible, so what-the-fuck-was-the-director-thinking, that it became good? Not just good, but insanely entertaining and (dare I say) awesome? Well, that was my experience when watching “Faust: Love of the Damned” (2000)

I really don’t want to tell you what this movie is about. A summary would  just take all the fun out of it. I will say this: It is bizarro. Seizure-inducing bizarro. And smut. And gore. And awesomeness. But I already wrote that…

“Faust” is a Spanish horror film directed by Brian Yuzna. It stars Mark Frost, Andrew Divoff, Monica Van Campen, and Isabel Brook. I think the story is based off of a comic book of the same name. Despite the cheesy costumes, the movie has a definitive “noir-graphic-novel” feel. It’s satanical and hilarious. The main character delivers lines like: “I’m the pornography that gets you hot!” and “Not enough blood?” with a grin while he frolics around in a tight, red, rubber suit. It’s not supposed to scare you.

The inflation scene. It will either make your snort with laughter or vomit. Or both. (Definitely both!)

Don’t watch this movie if you’re offended by tits and ass and or poor costume-design. Don’t watch this movie if you’re expecting great acting. I mean this movie has like 4 out of 10 stars on IMBD. Everyone universally agrees it’s bad. But hey, critics are a humorless bunch and none of that should stop you from watching “Faust” at least once!

I loved this movie. Yes, it’s stupid. Yes, it’s terrible. But if it were anything less than a hot mess, I wouldn’t have laughed so fucking hard. I’m giving it sticky, wet  A+!!!  Adding this train wreck into my collection.

La Leyenda de la Llorona (2011)

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This is a kid’s movie. So why am I reviewing it? Because the ghost of Llorona got nothin’ on chupacabras! And I’m always hunting for spooks from other cultures. Damsel Bruja will write more about Llorona and Mexican ghost tales in another post. For now let’s talk about this movie.

Brother and sister, Beto and Kika go trick-or-treating in their village only to find a strange ghostlike woman. The spirit is Llorona, the wailing witch who kidnaps children. She takes Beto and leaves Kika in the forest. Enter Leo San Juan and his paranormal team of investigators. Leo San Juan is a cute character. His snarky sidekicks add comic relief. There’s Teodora, a ghost who mimics Paris Hilton,  Alebrije, a talking dragon, sugar skulls, and a knight. They travel by air balloon and wind up crashing on a haunted puppet island.

Leo San Juan learns that, in life, Llorona was actually a single mother named Yoltzin. When her house caught fire, she tended to the flames, accidentally leaving her children to drift downstream and drown. The loss proved unbearable, filling Yoltzin’s heart with hate. She became the vengeful spirit, Llorona, and captured other children to replace the ones she lost. Those who got in her way were cursed and drained of life.

It’s a decent kid’s movie. The art isn’t offensive, the side characters add comedy, however the movie runs a little long. I liked watching it in the original Spanish language version with English subtitles. I learned a little Spanish in the process, which is always a good thing! I liked the cultural references, too. Damsel Bruja introduced me to the story of Llorona one evening when we were talking about what inspired Guillermo del Toro’s  film, “Mama.” (below)

This short film frightened Guillermo del Toro. So what does that tell you? I’m really happy Damsel Bruja showed me this. It only makes me hungry to find other Mexican horror films!