“Blood Curdling” Isn’t Just a Cliché Anymore

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I’ll watch horror if I want to!

So…I was cruising around the interwebs when I found this article about how horror movies can be bad for your health. Yet another thing that I love that can be bad for me…is there anything out there that is fun anymore?

According to The Science Times, people who watch horror movies can have an increase in a blood clotting protein called Factor VIII. Basically, scientists took blood from their test subjects before showing them movies. They were also asked a series of questions like gauging their fears on a scale from 0 to 10. One group watched a documentary while the other watched Insidious. Afterwards, the scientists took another sample of blood and found an increase in Factor VIII with the horror group. However, this increase won’t do anything to damage your health.

Personally, I would have chosen The Conjuring as the movie to show the horror group. Or maybe Earthlings. Granted Earthlings isn’t a horror movie but it’s super graphic.

So……FUCK YOU, SCIENCE! I can still watch as much horror movies as I want!!

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“The Babadook” A Mother’s Guide to Insanity

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Written/Directed: Jennifer Kent

Starring: Essie Davis, Noah Wiseman, Hayley McElhinney, Daniel Henshall, Barbara West

Holy Fuck this movie freaked me out!

Long story short: Amelia(Essie Davis) is a single mother who is at her wits end with her son, Samuel(Noah Wiseman). He sees monsters everywhere and his behavior gets worse when they discover a book called The Babadook. Samuel believes that the Babadook is real but Amelia doesn’t. So what happens with all the things in the book start to happen for real? Is she crazy or is the Babadook genuinely terrorizing her?

I’ll say it again…Holy Fuck this movie freaked me out! I love when a movie focuses more on the suspense and no visual of the big bad wolf. It really made you question whether the Babadook was real or if Amelia was having a mental breakdown. Throughout the movie you see this poor woman trying balance her miserable existence with a job she hates, a child she can’t control, a sister who a snobbish jerk, and the loss of her husband. Granted, her husband died seven years prior to this but I guess people grieve differently.

Anyway, her descent into madness is really hard to watch. I mean she gets really short with her son, she starts having hallucinations of cockroaches everywhere, the freaking book keeps popping up even after she destroys it, she crashes her car, kills her dog, etc. Shit just keeps happening to this poor woman. I couldn’t help but think that this situation kind of fits the criteria for demonic possession. There are three steps, you know. Infestation, Oppression, and Possession. But I’m rambling…..

Really in the end it felt like a mix between The Exorcist, Poltergeist, and a hint of The Conjuring! It was creepy and fun to watch!

That ending, though…I guess you’ll just have to watch so you’ll see what I mean…

I give it an A+

May The Odds Be In Your Favor In “Raze”

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Director: Josh C. Weller

Writer: Robert Beaucage, Kenny Gage, Josh C. Weller

Starring: Zoe Bell, Rachel Nichols, Tracie Thoms

Two enter the ring and one comes out! The basic plot to Raze is a secret society of rich people kidnaps women from various backgrounds and various knowledge of fighting. Whether it’s kickboxing classes or MMA training, these freaks want you. Sabrina(Zoe Bell) along with other women are forced to fight to the death for the wealthy’s entertainment. If they don’t fight then their loved ones are killed. If they lose, their loved ones also die. Let the games begin and let the odds be ever in your favor.

I didn’t enjoy this as much as I thought I would. To tell the truth I fast forward most of it. There were a few things that just bugged me to no end.

The first thing that bothered me: If you don’t fight or if you lose, your loved ones die. Why bother fighting in the first place? Your family or friends are dead anyway.

Second thing that bothered me: Didn’t their family and friends report them missing? Wouldn’t the FBI notice that women with fighting skills going on blind dates then disappear? Also wouldn’t the FBI also notice that the families and friends of the missing women end up dead? Too much of a coincidence….

Third thing that bothered me: There’s no prize at the end of the tournament! No million dollars, no offer to join the secret society, nothing! You’re basically a fighting dog until you die in the ring! Why bother fighting at all?!

Really, in the end you’re only watching this for the fights. You don’t care about the fighters’ sob stories, you really don’t care if they make it or not. Like I said earlier, I fast forwarded the sob story bits. I wasn’t interested and they didn’t make me want to be interested. I kinda wanted some of the sound effects from Mortal Kombat during the fights. Yeah! Finish Her!! 

I’m giving this a D

Mortal Kombat:

Trailer

Off To Hell We Go! The Devil’s Carnival Tour Has Begun!

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The wait is over! The Devil Carnival: Alleluia! is finally on it’s way to a city near you! Well…most cities. I looked up the tour dates and sadly it’s not coming to my town and I can’t travel to another city to watch it. I guess I’ll have to wait for the DVD. But that’s OK, I’m a patient woman.

The tour for Alleluia! started yesterday(August 11th) in Los Angeles and will be touring all over the country like New York, Tuscon, Chicago, etc.

Anyways, if you have’t seen the first movie then I highly recommend that you do. You’ll love the music, the make up, the plot, etc. I’ll probably say this until I die, Terrance Zdunich is a freaking genius!! So check out the websites below and buy your tickets now. Bring a friend, go by yourself, I don’t care how you get there. Just go and enjoy yourself!

Fa la la! It’s off to Hell we go! Stick a needle in your eye, it’s off to Hell we go!

P.S.

The Devil’s Carnival: Alleluia! soundtrack is now available on itunes! I know what I’m buying!

Sites:

http://www.thedevilscarnival.com/

https://www.facebook.com/devilscarnival

https://twitter.com/devilscarnival

Cannibal Holocaust, Eli Roth, & Riz O

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This iconic scene from the movie, Cannibal Holocaust (1979) was so troubling to Italian authorities, the director, Ruggero Deodato was forced to prove the images were fictitious in court and explain to law enforcement that he hadn’t actually killed anyone.

I’m not reviewing Cannibal Holocaust (1979). That’s been done to death and also I just don’t feel like referencing the faux outrage and calls for censorship of Eli Roth’s upcoming remake, Green Inferno (2015). My review today is about the soundtrack from Ruggero Deodato’s Cannibal Holocaust (1979) composed by the great Riz Ortolani.

But since I’m on the topic of Eli Roth’s new movie, here’s what I’ll say about it for now. When I see it, I’ll compare it against Deodato’s version and write up a gratuitous review for your enjoyment. Trailer below:

Do I think Eli Roth’s movie should be banned? Do I think a movie about white, social justice warriors getting brutally massacred by brown people is offensive? Ha. What do you think? More often in horror movies, brown and black characters are slaughtered without dignity for white entertainment. Our bodies are still first to be jeopardized onscreen and off…so am I supposed to wave torches and pitchforks over fictionalized, reversed-racial horror? You’ll find out when I watch Green Inferno.

But I digress. Let’s listen to the maestro, shall we?

What made Cannibal Holocaust so great was the off-kilter soundtrack. I use “off-kilter” ironically, because in truth, there is nothing off-kilter about it. It’s fucking beautiful. I adore horror movies with a full orchestral score and my absolute favorite composer for that sort of thing is Bernard Herrmann. However Riz Ortalani’s score is a must for any horror movie buff, too. Not only is the soundtrack beautiful, but when combined with scenes from the movie, the result is a strange, horrifying cognitive dissonance. Modern horror filmmakers alert audiences to the horror with music that is meant to frighten us. But Riz doesn’t do that, here. Instead, he uses sweeping violins, folksy guitar, and funkadelic pops of the synthesizer. By listening to the soundtrack alone, you would never know it accompanied such a gory, controversial movie.

There are 10 tracks in all but my favorites are Adultress’s Punishment (the infamous impaling scene) and Savage Rite. If you write horror, I strongly recommend you try listening to the Cannibal Holocaust soundtrack to get you in the right mood.

Have you watched Cannibal Holocaust? Green Inferno will come out September 25, 2015. Place your bets which one will be better. Whadduya think, fam? Should we all be outraged?

Breaking the fourth wall with “Resolution (2012)”

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Resolution (2012)

Writers/Directors: Justin Benson and Aaron Moorhead

Starring: Peter Cilellaand, Vinny Curran, Zahn McClarnon, Bill Obserst Jr.

After the first viewing, I wasn’t sure how to rate it. It was meta upon meta upon meta. The characters broke the fourth wall and Resolution (2012) ended in a way that left me going “huh?” Not because I didn’t understand the conclusion, but because I just couldn’t believe the direction the writers/directors took an otherwise coherent plot line. The horror writer in me was irritated. “Clever,” I thought, “But why waste a perfectly good story by inserting this ludicrous twist? Are the filmmakers trying to be cute?” I appreciated the story’s constant misdirection, its irony, and brilliant performances by the two leading actors, Peter Cilellaand and Vinny Curran. The movie was great. But still I fumed.

And then I decided to watch Resolution (2012) a second time. Just like the first, the film challenged and forced me to see beyond the characters, beyond the narrative to the private joke played on my expense. But instead of fuming, I decided to play along, which is, I think, the point of this movie. This is a film that demands audience participation, not passivity. The ending is up to us, which even the characters realize and attempt to react to before audience expectations “kill” them.

It’s…literary. Experimental. And interesting. If you’ve seen Rubber (2010) it’s a bit like that…but without the absurdity.

What is Resolution about? Quite simply; it’s about a man who handcuffs a junkie to his remote cabin. The rest is…well…up for debate. Anymore will take all the fun out of watching a film like this. So just watch it. You’ll either love it or hate it. It’ll fly over some people’s heads, but if you read this blog, I’m assuming you’re into weird, thought-provoking shit. I’m giving it an A+ and will definitely check out Justin Benson’s and Aaron Moorhead’s new film, Spring (2015). They’re the same guys behind “V/H/S: Viral.” Definitely two filmmakers to watch. Adding Resolution into my personal collection.

Raising Funds For A Zombie Movie

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Alrighty y’all! Let’s rally together and help finish a Vancouver based zombie film! It’s been described as a modern twist to the zombie genre with a nostalgic feel. Most people think that once you seen one zombie film you’ve seen them all. You’re probably right but that doesn’t make zombie movies any less entertaining.

Please check the Indiegogo site listed below to donate. Depending the amount you donate, you will be rewarded with a shout out in the credits, a digital copy, a signed DVD, etc! We have 38 days to reach the goal of $10,000 CAD so you better hurry. The last count was $426 CAD.

Sites:

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/3-hours-till-dead-indie-zombie-horror-film#/story

https://twitter.com/millspictures

https://www.facebook.com/Hourstilldead

A New Twist On Vampirism With “Afflicted”

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Directors/ Writers: Derek Lee, Clif Prowse

Starring: Derek Lee, Clif Prowse, Baya Rehaz

I’ve always imagined that I’d take a trip like this with my best friend. Travel the world, see new things, meet new people, and have fun. But what I don’t want as part of the trip is to be turned into a freaking vampire and possibly massacring my BFF.

Afflicted is about two friends, Derek and Clif, taking a trip around the world and starting a blog to share their adventures with their family and friends. One of the reasons for this trip is because Derek was diagnosed with an incurable illness and figures this could be their last hurrah. While living it up in Spain, Derek hooks up with the mysterious Audrey and find himself falling deeper into an unexplainable illness. An illness where one of the symptoms is craving human blood. What started out as a travel blog turned into a documentation of Derek’s strange affliction and their quest to find a cure.

I have to say that I was impressed with this movie which has won awards for directing, writing, and special effects(see HERE). Instead of portraying vampirism as brooding sex symbols that infest our TV today, Lee and Prowse painted vampires as actual monsters. It wasn’t pretty watching Derek’s transition from dying human to animalistic immortal. Seriously…there was projectile vomit and seizures. At first it started out as fun and games where they discover super speed and super strength but then things turn serious when Derek can’t eat anything without vomiting and the longer he holds out from drinking blood the more he transforms into a feral monster.

I really enjoyed the special effects for this movie. There was one “test” that Derek did where he tested the sunlight on his skin and it was gross! I also applaud the fact that there were times when they actually put the camera down. It isn’t logical to carry a camera and document every little thing. Some scenes they left the camera on a table and you’d just hear a conversation rather than see it. In other scenes they created a vest that held the camera so the person could document what was going on while having their hands free(Chase Out Window Scene).

Anyway I give this movie an A.

Check out the trailer and a clip! hopefully you enjoy it as much as I did.

Sites:

http://www.afflicted-movie.com/

https://www.facebook.com/AfflictedMovie

“Delicatessen (1991)” has cannibal butchers!

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The creators of quirky, romcom, “Amelie,” are behind the strange, off-kilter, and obnoxiously French, “Delicatessen.” Kitsch dystopia meets surrealist cannibalism.

Delicatessen (1991)

Director: Marc Caro, Jean-Pierre Jeunet

Writers: Gilles Adrien, Marc Caro, Jean-Pierre Jeunet

Starring: Marie-Laure Dougnac, Dominique Pinon, Pascal Benezech

What an usual treat Delicatessen (1991) is! It was directed/created by the same minds behind the movie, “Amelie,” starring Audrey Tatou. The same quirky humor I enjoyed in “Amelie” take a dark, dystopian twist in Delicatessen. The story takes place in a French town where food is scarce and the only available currency is corn and meat. To feed themselves, the townpeople put out ads for handymen and then eat him after a week. The butcher is responsible for killing the handymen, and while the townsfolk feel bad about the grisly scheme they say nothing in fear of the maniacal butcher chopping them up into pieces, too! The butcher’s daughter falls in love with one of the poor handymen and joins an revolutionary society of corn-eating lunatics deep in the sewer systems to thwart her father before the handyman is butchered.

The story isn’t as enjoyable as the characters and surreal cinematography. The acting is dry, witty and obnoxiously French. I loved the Troglodyte sewer people and their pantry-raids in the butcher’s kitchen for his corn. I loved the character who thinks she’s hearing voices and her failed, often comical, attempts to commit suicide. I loved the butcher’s daughter’s sleeping herbs, the handyman’s chimpanzee, the frogs and snails, and everything else. This isn’t a movie that takes itself seriously, and if you love surreal, zany plots, with dark humor, I recommend Delicatessen. Watch it in French with English subtitles. There are many free, online videos to choose from, but I watched it HERE.

I’m giving it a B+.

Killer viruses in “King of Thorn (2009)”

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While I love manga/anime with a medical-thriller vibe (think Naoki Urasawa’s “Monster”) this killer virus flick, “King of Thorn” totally escaped my radar. In fact, I hadn’t heard of this anime or the manga until last night while dicking around on YouTube for something to review. If you’re familiar with the anime series, “Big O” (an adolescent favorite: mecha meets Batman) then you’ve already seen Kazuyoshi Katayama’s directorial style. That alone convinced me to give this movie a try. Although I sorta wished I hadn’t.

King of Thorn (2009)

Director and screenwriter: Kazuyoshi Katayama 

Original writer: Yuji Iwahara (Manga) 

Voice actors (Japanese — English dubs generally SUCK donkey balls) Kana Hanazawa, Toshiyuki Morikawa, Misaki Kuno, Akiko Yajima

The first one-third of the movie was what I expected (in a good way). To survive a pandemic virus, humankind’s last hope is to freeze a selected few for 100yrs until a cure is found. While asleep, mutant creatures attack the dreaming facility and those lucky not to have died while asleep, fight off crazy scientists, mutants, and other odd creatures through gory, pulptastic, action sequences. The animation isn’t terrible and I liked all the crazy characters. Even Kasumi. I wish the movie had stuck with its simple survival horror plot instead of veering left and getting lost in its metaphorical “Sleeping Beauty” message.

I thought the virus was a virus, but apparently the whole thing is just a dream, but the main character is also a figment of that dream, who is a clone of her twin and…yeah…what? Why couldn’t this just be a shoot’em up monster movie as advertised? “King of Thorn” tried way way way too hard to be philosophical and just sorta fell flat by the second-third of the movie. It’s so convoluted I can’t really tell you what the ending even means.

All in all, I’d give it a “C.” I’ll try to review other anime horror movies in the future. This one was just OK.