The Day the Monsters Died….

I thought I’d just take a minute and mourn Monsters as a whole. No longer are they created to scare the shit out of us, now you just feel sorry for them. You feel sorry not because they’re these tortured being, but because they’re so depressing.

THE BEAST

I think the CW’s Beauty and the Beast bugs me the most. It was a reboot of the 1980’s TV which everyone loved with Ron Perlman as Vincent the strong Beast with a poetic soul. This new Vincent is sexy former soldier with a scar on his face. I enjoyed the 1980s version better because you can see why Vincent feels that he and Catherine can’t be together. He looks like a freaking lion!! the modern Vincent was part of a super-soldier program that went wrong and the scar is a result of that. When he gets upset he turns into something similar to the Incredible Hulk. So he feel because of his emotional issues he and Catherine can’t be together. Take an anti-depressant and move on. You have no right to call yourself a hideous monster when you’re anything but hideous. I tried watching it with an open mind but I just hated this no modern Emo Vincent.

FRANKENSTEIN’S MONSTER

I’m not going to say I hated “I, Frankenstein” because I didn’t. I thought it was a fun scifi movie. However, I wished that they made Aaron Eckhart look more like a monster. He’s got scars that look like they’re painted on. Now if the patches of skin were different colors letting us know they were different body parts, then that would make us see with our own eyes that he is a monster. His character too is running around the planet whining about how he’s a monster and no one would love him. Look in the mirror! Scars are sexy so you don’t have a reason to complain. The original Frankenstein’s Monster was a mess! Of course people are going to run away from him, but Adam(Eckhart) looks pretty normal. If he needed to make up a story he could tell everyone he got mugged once….and it didn’t end well for the mugger! Just saying. Yet another Emo Monster.

And lastly there’s the vampires. The sparkly and bloody kind.

I realize that vampires are supposed to be sex symbols but sparkling vampires?! I like my vampires unapologetic, violent, and bloody. That’s why I love shows like TrueBlood and Dracula. These vampires will tear you to pieces. Why? Because they can. They are monsters with nothing but time on their hands so they do whatever they want, whenever they want. It’s pretty cool to have that kind of power, don’t you think? So the question I ask myself is why would you waste your time being a “vegetarian” vampire? To make them seem more human? They’re monsters! They’re not supposed to be human. I also can’t get past the glittering thing of Twilight. I’ll admit I read the books and I got wrapped up into the “Team Edward vs Team Jacob” battle but then I grew up. Sparkling vampires isn’t scary, but I will give Edward Cullen credit for being a creep. He watches Bella sleep, follows her everywhere, and thinks she smells delicious. Kinda like a creepy Santa except he doesn’t have any presents.

On a side note: has anyone else noticed that as the Twilight movies progressed, the vampires stopped sparkling?

Anyway, that’s my rant about monsters today. I have more hope for the future though. NBC’s Dracula has shown me that the classic vampire is back in action. I also heard through the grapevine that NBC is considering a “Wolfman” series inspired by the classic monster. I hope it’s true and that they remain faithful to the classic monster. Below I found a hilarious video about what would happen if Eric Northman from TrueBlood ever met Edward Cullen.

ENJOY!!

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